Phen and the Goblins...

[Phendar]

You see, Phen is not necessarly a 'good' guy. I mean, I am in it for me. So, I am with this party of 'goodie goodies' and we come up on this camp of goblins. They do not notice us, so we back off and have a small discussion. I sit and listen to all their babble about how we need to take prisioners and such. So I chime in and say tell them that all goblins are evil vile critters, and we should just slughter the camp, take what we can, and head on. (Thinking to myself... that patsie paladin has to see the good in this). Well I was over turned and was told that we would rush in, kill if we must (like it was on option...pfft) and take as many prisoners as we can. Well the battle ensued, and when all was said and done, we had 3 that did not die. (Sorry, they got a tad to far away from me...). Anyways, we tied them up and questioned them. Well, the others that could understand their babble did, I just sat and sharpened my blade for the next encounter.

After the group got the information they think they wanted, they decided to leave them. But that was NOT what I had in mind. So I again, chime in with my wisdom and ask if we can just knock them out, so that incase they do get lose, we will have a head start. Well, this discussion was taking far too long. The goodie goodies left the area, and basically I was told by our 'leader' (yeah, he could not lead me to the pisser) to go ahead and knock them uncouncious. I however had another plan, when I was going to hit them on the back of the head with the hilt of my sword. I figured I might as well come around with the tip of it and sever the spinal column and just be done with the entire mess.

*THWACK... snick* One down, and the 'leader' is now walking off...
*THWACK... snick* Two down, and the 'leader' is about 10 feet away...
*THWACK... snick... oops...* Seems in my haste, I got a tad too close to the victim, and lopped off his head. As it rolled out to the feet of out 'leader'. He peered down, and just gave me a look of distrust.

Lets just say that was the last time I was allowed to deal with the prisioners.




-Phendar

[Delbareth]

It must be hard during police investigation. 
You shoot first, you ask later? 

[Phendar]

They would not allow me to extract the information from the vermin. My way was 100% more effective, faster, and had the same results.

[Spence]

Goblins...those are fun to use...

I was playing a half orc barbarian named Wrath, a friend of mine was playing a Halfling Monk (i dont remember the other names sorry, but my friend always played halfling monks).  For some reason he thought it was a good thing to use the Half Orc as a Mount.  Well, Wrath didnt mind the Halfling hitching a ride in his backpack too much, he was light and didnt have much gear. 

As we navigated the dungeon we encountered many goblin traps and a few goblin patrols, as Wrath was peeking through a door he ended up with a javelin that hit him in the face, it didnt just hit him in the face, it went through one cheek and came out the other, doing minimal damage but leaving nasty scars that Wrath would think were cool later.

Eventually we made our way into the lower depths of the dungeon and we came across the family of goblins.  Females and Children.  One of the females was actually a combatant, but was hesitant to fight due to all the children around.  Our halfling monk friend decides to take advantage of this female Goblin that's now tied up and goes to cope a feel.  Being a smart goblin female and knowing how her evil goblin bretheren were she'd decked herself out in traps.  As the halfling stuck his hand down her shirt we all heard a loud *SNAP*  The halfling pulled his arm away...but no hand.  She had a "booby trap" for unwanted visitors to her cleavage.

Our DM had this planned since our halfling player was notorious for these little stunts. 

Later on in that same dungeon we found a water way.  It was like a river inside the dungeon, but man made.  We were looking for a way to cross this river safely when our halfling friend decided he was just going to jump it.  He got himself a running start and ran towards the edge...tripped over a chunk of rock and went head first into the drink.  But this wasnt a normal river...electricity was coursing through it making it too dangerous to swim it (we knew this too, our cleric tried to have a drink).  So we watched as he sunk down towards the bottom, jolting this way and that, though paralyzed. 

Nobody knew what to do, then my int 4, Wis 16 half orc Barbarian got an idea.  He pulled out his rope and grappling hook and went Halfling Fishing.  First two tries i missed, on the third try Wrath managed to get it to work, unfortunately not in a way our Halfling buddy would like.  He was literally caught like a fish, with the grappling hook coming up through his jaw.  But Wrath did save his puny little behind.

Finally our party mage cast a cone of cold on the water making ice, and using rope wrapped around our boots we made it across the now frozen river.  On the other side was a magic altar.  Written on the altar in a language only our Mage knew were instructions, lay a weapon on the altar and it gains a random enchantment.  He read this aloud to us....being all for more powerful weapons Wrath put his double axe up on the altar *POOF*  Firey Burst on one end, Icey Burst on the other.  Nifty cool.  Cleric puts his up there *POOF*  Mace of Disruption.  Awesome.  Fighter puts his up *POOF*  Sword of Beserking (DM just tells our fighter when he goes into combat he can Rage like my character, not the rest of it, so the curse is unknown to us).  Halfling Monk puts his quarterstaff up there *POOF* Shock on both end.

Well it's the end of the night, the Halfling has 10 hitpoints left out of 60, we decided we should set up camp in the dungeon.  We had seen a place that was easily defensible earlier so we start back, Hafling riding in my characters backpack again.  As we walk down the hallway the halfling decides Wrath isnt going fast enough for him, he pulls out his quarterstaff and decides to use it like a cattleprod on Wrath. 

Now...anybody that's ever played a decent half orc barbarian knows....Cattle Prods dont really hurt a Half Orc...it just pisses them off.  Wrath yanks his backpack off with the halfling still in it and starts whirling it over his head.  The halfling thinks this is fun and lets off with a "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee".  Then it stops as Wrath slams the backpack hard against the cold dungeon wall.  Our DM rules the damage as Subdual...fortunately because the 50 damage i did would have killed the halfling.

[tanis]

     I have to admit though, the spinning thing sounds fun.

[Lance]

     I have to admit though, the spinning thing sounds fun.

Only to an insane halfling...

[Spence]

Only to an insane halfling...

He was quite insane LOL

[tanis]

     I'm not a halfling and I would have enjoyed the spinning, but then sometimes I wonder if I'm all there.

[funny-popsicle]

this is a board game or actual video game
im stumped, how can  you put your hand
down a goblins shirt in any game lol.

[avisarr]

Ah, the wonders of the imagination! Quite true... how can you stick you hand down a goblin's shirt or do any of the other amazing things mentioned in these stories? Well, in a computer game, quite often you can't. You're limited in what you can do. However, in a role playing game, there are no limits. Just your imagination. And if you're got a good game master, you can, quite literally, try anything.

[funny-popsicle]

hmmm, the imagination goes to far

sometimes...

Down a goblins shirt i wonder what else
your good friend can muster up. hehe

[tanis]

yeah i have to say thats kinda gross lol im more inclined to my same species lol

[funny-popsicle]

if only i myself knew how to play
D and D board games  , people
would be in mock horror from the
imaginative things id do hehe 

[tanis]

haha im the YAAAAAAA!!! bonzai type lol but magic always helps that lol